Conflict Avoidance in Relationships: Causes & Coping Tips

Handling conflict with boundaries and assertiveness is not always easy, but it is achievable and beneficial. To do so, identify your state of mind, feelings, and needs, and prepare your statements. Choose an appropriate time and location to have a discussion about the conflict and make sure that both parties are ready and willing to converse. During the talk, objectively focus on the issue rather than the person. Avoid personal attacks, put down, or allegations, and use “I” statements to express your perspective.

Understand that conflict avoidance creates superficial harmony

You’ve likely learned to avoid conflict to stay emotionally safe. Let’s unpack what conflict avoidance really is, why it happens, how it affects your relationship and mental health, and how to learn healthier ways to cope and connect. Conflict avoidance, also known as complaint avoidance, is when a person avoids discussing issues with their partner to avoid confrontation or an argument. People may do this as a way to preserve harmony in the relationship.

• Avoid these destructive patterns, and you’ll find you can navigate even the most difficult conflicts more successfully.
• Children who tried to share their thoughts and feelings were usually dismissed or shut down.
• This means that you should be careful to avoid the mistakes I mentioned in my last blog.
• Conflict avoidance occurs due to uncomfortable feelings being stirred up in someone when a disagreement occurs.
• It’s much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.
• Conflict avoidance can really throw a wrench in the gears of any relationship.

Common Causes of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships

Learning how to overcome conflict avoidance can lead to happier or at least more sorted relationships. Conflict avoidance in relationships may minimize conflict over the short term, but over the long run, it causes issues to persist as they are never addressed. To heroin addiction maintain harmony in their relationships, people with the avoidance conflict management style may not speak up when upset or have unmet needs. “Not wanting to upset others is a common driver of conflict avoidance,” says Sherese Ezelle, L.M.H.C., a licensed behavioral therapist at One Medical. You might know that you need to tell your bestie that no, it’s not OK to cancel your plans for the fourth time in a row with no explanation.

#7. Understand Your Attachment Styles

• In general, hardworking folks have their minds in many different places, striving to achieve the most within a short period of time or even at once.
• For instance, if you’re uneasy about speaking up in meetings, try sharing a point every time you meet, even if it’s something minor.
• Research shows that dealing with conflict constructively improves your relationship in the long run.
• On the other hand, if we witness conflict avoidance or other forms of unhealthy conflict resolution, our ideas about conflict management will be skewed.
• According to a 2013 study1, people who use “soft” communication during relationship conflicts have a calming effect on their avoidant partner.

It’s important to remember that both you and your partner, whether shutting down or becoming more expressive, are experiencing similar internal stress. These positive reinforcements will keep you motivated on your journey towards healthier conflict management. If you notice little improvements in your conflict management journey with your partner, please go ahead and celebrate. Even if you disagree with their perspective, acknowledge how they’re feeling. This shows empathy and creates a safe space for open communication. Understanding your own style and your partner’s can help you choose the best way to communicate during conflict.

“Psychoanalyzing” / Mind-Reading

At the first sign of potential conflict, their nervous system becomes activated, leading them to shut down, stonewall, or flee. For example, if your partner shuts down when you’re overly critical, try softening your approach and focusing on “I” statements. Conflict avoiders may silence their opinions to please other people. They think that if they keep their opinions and needs to themselves, others will like them.

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It’s much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner. Some people handle conflict by criticizing and blaming the other person for the situation. They see admitting any weakness on their own part as a weakening of their credibility, and how to deal with someone who avoids conflict avoid it at all costs, and even try to shame them for being “at fault.”